Even the most intelligent and most lovely, caring people do not have power protect our partner, friend, child etc from unpleasant situations, emotions or/and feelings. There are people who are afraid of the darkness, of ghosts, from water, from the dogs, even afraid to be afraid etc. Its every people are showing much kind of “not polite”, “not reasonable” actions, like aggression, crying, shouting, feinting etc.
Good to know – feeling and emotions generally not reasonable! Regardless of the medium in which we grow older and the purse in thickness, these emotions and feelings are our eternal companion, which will be present in us eternally. Since the first years of life are decisive for the development of personality, the way we learn how to disclose these emotions and feelings may have dominated all our life. This will affect our human emotional tonality – we will be happy or unhappy, depressed or blissful, will we be able to withstand and cope with the difficult task or drown in depressive condition. Able to disclose our emotions and feelings, causing to ourselves and to others happiness or we will be someone with strong stone face, the emotions and feelings that will accrue or block.
In the past the fishermen on the calm sea in dark clouds, said: “Calm before the storm”, but about a furious major storm with thunders – “The sky are discharging anger”. As the natural processes and human may have an unexpected eruptions of anger, a sudden flood of tears, laughter “attack or agony”. Naturally, everyone have the ability to discharge the accumulated emotions and feeling, “thrown” out of what is superfluous us. Our human emotions and feeling are given to us for protection, to help adapt to different situations, regulate emotions and feeling. Brain even developing a special hormone, which “blow out the fire” by rejuvenating the damage caused by the psycho traumas. However, there are situations in which emotions are accumulating; there is “surplus of emotions and feeling” which cannot handle even the hormones. Then, when our experienced emotions and feeling are not healthy discharge, then accumulated emotions and feeling can:
- Cause the any kind of somatic disease – with can start from low immunity, fatigue syndrome, gastritis, frequent headaches, asthma, cancer, etc.
- Emotions and feeling rules over the mind and intelligence, when they are not healthy discharge – behaviour becomes deeply unpredictable, when our mind and intelligence are like “shutdown” and we are driven, pulled just by our unreasonably and strong discharge of emotions and feelings. Writer R. Blaumanis in “Kristine and Edgars” wrote that, ‘Even the fence is built in the human mind; feelings can easily climb over it’. We are sometime making comments: “They are fall in love like without a mind” or “They are fall in love like mad”.
Our parents taught to us as a small child, to wash our hands so that hands are clean. Another important aspect is our “Psycho Hygiene” that promotes our psychological well-being and excess emotional discharge.
There are three healthy emotional discharge regularities:
1st: Our friends, partners, co-workers, children etc themselves are often looking for reasons to discharged emotions. How does they us that he/she felt fear, aggression, sorrow, pain, resentment (grief and aggression simultaneously), guilt (low self-esteem and aggression against self-incrimination – auto aggression)? Every human has its own characteristic “stumbling stones”: Traffic jam, Partner late in meeting, cold food and unlimited such kind of situation, when we are just “blow up” and discharging ocean of emotions, which are really not connected with present situation. The our friends, partners, co-workers, children etc expects that they will be triaged, deprived of something, objected etc and in these moment they will discharge accumulated emotions through throw anger, deeply weep, shout etc. If in this type of situation we try to somehow or other to stop this unreasonable discharge of accumulated emotions, then we will making situation much much worse than before. This is one of reason, why in cooperate world say: “Costner all always right”, because if we allowing them discharge accumulated emotions, they will feel deep relive and happily cooperates with us afters this helpful act for them.
2nd: Our friends, partners, co-workers, children etc will try to choose the safest environment emotional discharge. For example, our child in house of his friends, in school are really best example of good behaviour, bat in home are just strong apposite. As parents we tend to criticize ourselves, we tend to think, feel: “We are bed, wrong, uneducated etc parents, do not know, how to cope with children. What can happens in such moments when our children with us, his parents? No matter how good a teacher in school, mostly mom and dad are closer to child and lover than other people are. Child can feel secure in home with his parents, home environment and parental presence can afford to disclose his emotions, which in other circumstances (in house of his friends, in school) are often “keeps itself “because generally children can trust his parents. They mostly adopt a child crying and give them hug, un-conduction love and care, adopted disclosed anger, gentle looks and will allow the child to divulge his emotions.
3rd: As healthier, simpler, uncomplicated, pure etc we are, as easier show our feeling and discharge our emotions. Everyone: our friends, partners, co-workers, children etc even infant are need for discharge suppressed emotions and show his/her feelings. The later we are start practice different healthy ways for emotional discharge, the more difficult our relationships will grow and more time and efforts will required for the our friends, partners, co-workers, children etc “emotional confidence” and openness, friendliness with us and with any one in general. Because, if someone finally once “linger in him/her self”, after all unsuccessful attempts to show his/her feeling and discharge his/her emotions, then become so so difficult to once again come out from “our sell or cave”.
There are unlimited healthy ways for emotional discharge, like one of them “Hour of Pure Love”, “Loving Politics for Skillful Emotionality“. And there are unlimited ways to develop our healthy and harmonious relationships with others, like “Emphatic and active listening”, “Make investments in the Emotional Bank Account”, “Habit 5: Seek First to Understand Then to be Understood“, and “Hour of Pure Love”.
When we dead with others, or even with self, we can notice some moments, when suppressed emotions and feelings come out. Healthy is to allow suppressed emotions and feelings come out as long and deep it is possible.
There are some hints, how we can notice discharge of suppressed emotions and feelings.
- aggression – sharp movements, loud voice, hot sweat;
- fear, shyness – laughter*, cold sweat;
- grief, lamentation – crying in voice with gasp or/and pant ;
- emotions with physical strain, pain – scratching, yawning, combing
- severe pain – shouting, cold sweats, tremor, shivering, gooseflesh, increased urinating or even uncontrolled urinating (because active kidney);
- irritable, excitement – *laugher, sweating with little warm sweat;
- sadness, grief or loss** – silent crying or/and weeping.
* Strongly not allowed to actively tickle other, becomes it is make person totally helpless and unhealthy humiliated by forcing violently laugh. Forced tickling will develops inferiority complex and lower self-esteem. This warning is not about pleasant touch, when draws the person at present moment for some attention.
** Sadness can be recognized when some telling the story and this story go in cycle again and again and again same story, same situation in cycles. From this position, it is desirable the gently “knock out” and encourage discharge sadness through crying tears. So that can help let go me be very very deep and old sadness, grief or loss.
Your ever well-wisher with love and encouragement BVG Janaka das
30 May 2011 – https://bhls.wordpress.com