A Potential Spouse: 7 Important Qualities to Look For

Physically, psychologically and spiritually we will go through many changes in the natural course of our lives and our marital relationship may need to adapt accordingly. Yet some basic, vital qualities are present throughout all healthy marriages. Let’s look at seven of them in relation to our potential spouse and ourselves.

If you have been to a circus you may have seen a tightrope walker constantly adjusting his long pole to keep it horizontal. Without these readjustments, the performer may lose his balance and fall.  Similarly, by avoiding extreme views or behaviors that will throw us off our chosen life path, we can remain mentally, physically and spiritually balanced. And we can choose to marry a similarly balanced person.

Respect is crucial to any relationship.  A person who respects others will not neglect to respect you, while one who is harsh and critical will, sooner or later, most likely exhibit that same behavior toward you.

A good listener
Most relationship problems stem from poor listening habits. There is a saying: “Seek first to understand before trying to be understood.” Our tendency in conversation is to be thinking about what to say next rather than attentively hearing what is being said. If your potential partner and you are either good listeners or committed to practicing the skills necessary to become good listeners, your marriage is more likely to succeed. Good listeners are usually also respectful and balanced individuals.

Look for a person who can admit his or her mistakes, apologize, and make amends for hurtful actions. If we marry Mr. or Ms. Right (they always think they are right), it is difficult to have a satisfying relationship. Humility is good for a relationship and is also a key factor in spiritual progress.

Faithful to the Supreme Lord
Faith, the foundation of all spiritual practices, increases individual self-fulfillment and happiness and brings peace and harmony to a marriage, family and community. Research shows that marriages are stronger and more rewarding when both spouses are committed to their personal spiritual development.

Free from Addictions
Avoid persons who have excessive attachment to drugs, alcohol, food, sex, computer games or television. Such addictions often overshadow relationships with family members, friends and the Lord. Although counseling and spiritual practice can help addicts, it is risky to start a relationship with the hope of changing another person’s behavior.

Although no two people are 100% compatible, the more compatible you and your future spouse are the easier it will be to understand each other’s thoughts and feelings and the greater the chances that your marriage will be lasting, fulfilling and harmonious. Compatible people have similar natures and share many of the same interests, values and intellectual and philosophical aptitudes.

By spending time together you can get an idea of how well the two of you get along, but before attachment sets in, consult people who know the other person well and consult a qualified astrologer.

Material from (9 Mar 2011): http://www.vaisnavafamilyresources.org/content/potential-spouse-7-important-qualities-look

About BVG Janaka dasa das

The counsellor, trainer and lecturer of Balanced and Healthy lifestyle, body, art, music, trance etc philosophy, psychology and psychotherapy. The leader of personal development and team building groups and private practice of psychotherapy.
This entry was posted in Healthy intimate relationships, Healthy listening, Relationships and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to A Potential Spouse: 7 Important Qualities to Look For

  1. Jay Young says:

    Young and Adams’ “The Ten Commandments of Dating” is one of the best books on the subject out there, if not the best. The authors make the subject very accessible, give examples, and show what happens when you break the dating commandments. The 10 commandments of dating are:

    1.) Thou Shalt Get a Life. You cannot have a relationhip with someone until your own life is in order.
    2.) Thou Shalt Use Your Brain. Don’t let hormones and emotional attachment take over your common sense.
    3.) Thou Shalt Be Equally Yoked. You and your partner must be equally yoked in physical, spiritual, and social matters if a relationship is going to work.
    4.) That Shalt Take it Slow. It will probably cause some inconvenience, but most bad decisions are correctable, with the negative consequences eventually disappearing. However, if you marry the wrong person, there will be significant negative consequences that will last for the rest of your life.
    5.) Thou Shalt Set Clear Boundaries. If you don’t, you’ll be sorry.
    6.) Thou Shalt Save Sex For Later. If you opt for immediate gratification, there will be lasting pain and guilt in the long run.
    7.) Thou shalt Not Play House. Cohabitation means enjoying the benefits of marriage without having any of the responsibilities that go along with it. The Houston Chronicle did a study, and couples who live together before marriage are 80% more likely to get divorced.
    8.) Thou Shalt Fight Fairly. Handling disagreements constructively is one of the keys to making a relationship work. Read the book to find out how.
    9.) Thou Shalt Not Ignore Warning Signs. If you see a red flag, heed it. Don’t say, “maybe things will change later.” They won’t.
    10.) Thou Shalt Choose Wisely. Now, apply all of the advice, choose wisely, and find the right person.

    This book is excellent. I failed to heed commandments 2, 3, 5, and 9 in a recent dating experience, and I paid the price. Don’t do the same. Please take it seriously.

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